Human beings want to see our loved ones feeling loved; and, according to Relational Theory, this is especially true for women. For us, it is great to love but it is not a complete act until we see the other feeling the love we are sharing.
It is the difference between hugging a friend who hugs us back (social bliss) and hugging a friend who just stands there (something terribly wrong).
Our dogs reflect our attentions masterfully using many of our own social tools powerfully in such moments: eye contact, open-mouthed grins, happy proximity, eager interaction. Then they add other behaviors that are impossible for us to miss: a wagging tail and eager licking! They close the social loop for us - we send love to them and they send it back to us in a delightful round of mutually satisfying social ping pong.
And how do we know this is true? Image the opposite; think about greeting your dog and having them just stand there, no sign that they recognize you or feel anything.
Now, how do you feel? Worried? Rejected? Distant? Angry? Sad?
We humans are in this relationship on levels we rarely review or assess, but that doesn’t change the fact that we are in it; that our social needs and habits are in play in every exchange we have with our animal companions. One of the most powerful is our need to “close the loop” relationally, to see the object of our affection showing us that they both feel and enjoy that affection.
People wonder why dogs found their way into our lives so deeply and for so many centuries. There are many reasons, but that happy wagging tail and that licker of theirs may play more important roles than we have considered.
by Sarah Wilson
Author of MySmartPuppy.com handbooks: My Smart Puppy (book with DVD) and Childproofing Your Dog
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